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Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Homeless Man Given Traffic Ticket for Whizzing in the Alley

Marlinton's Most Famous Bridge Dweller Is in trouble again.  Ferrell Kelly spent three years in jail awaiting a trial for a crime that he was ultimately acquited.

Ferrel cost the county $43,800 for his sojourn in TVRJ. 

Ferrel doesn't own a car and has never had a driver's license so how can he get a violation for a traffic charge.

An attempt to declare him incompetent failed when a second doctor said that there was nothing wrong with him.

Judge Dent dismissed the case but not before ruling that three years is not too long to hold a person for trial.  She ruled that he could again be charged with the same crime in the future.

While he was in jail, someone ransacked his home,  took his gas tank, and cut his power off effectively rendering him homeless.

Even the local prosecutor declare that he was homeless.

Judge Richardson ordered him released from jail to await another trial.  In doing so he took an odd action.  He ordered home confinement for a man who had no home effectively ordering him to live in a house with not heat nor electricity.  Naturally,  Ferrel moved to his current home under the bridge in Marlinton.  The town recently hauled away three truckloads of his belongings.

Friends took him to the "quarter store"  where the Methodist folks resupplied his meager non closet with six dollars worth of clothes.

Another friend takes him to DQ each morning for biscuits and gravy.  At DQ his tray always "seems" to have "extra" gravy on it.  They allow him a bottomless large tea cup which he sips on all day.  (Thanks too the girls at DQ)

Ferrel was passing through the alley last Saturday when a state trooper, Herbie Barlow interrogated him.  He asked Ferrel if he was taking a whiz (that PC) in the alley.  Apparently,  Herbie never actually saw the whiz occurring but he wrote him a ticket for good measure.

The citation was a "traffic" ticket.  Magistrate Cynthia Broce Kelly arraigned him yesterday.  She wrote that Ferrel pled "no guilty" to the traffic violation.

Ferrel has asked for a public defender (which will run about $200 per hour for goodness knows how long)  He is entitled to a public defender because he has no income at all.  The county is already into Ferrel for nearly $50,000 (inc. the hourly cost of the three public defenders he had on the first case. (That will buy a lot of meals for our Senior Citizens.)

Cynthia placed him on a PR bond with a $250 penalty if he doesn't show up for court. (No one knows where he would get that little amount, but then that's between the magistrate and Ferrel.  (He may end up doing another $50,000 of expenses for the county.)  Perhaps the County Commission might want to take up a collection for his bail.

But back to our story:  Ferrel is back on the street.  He will soon have a public defender assigned to him.  It will likely be the lady lawyer,  Laura Spadora, who lives over the Dirt Bean.  

This should be interesting watching this young lawyer defend Ferrel.  He tends to run through lawyers like a bulldozer through a cabbage patch.  Laura knows Ferrel and actually got his case dismissed the last time.  She succeeded where two other lawyers had failed.

On the stand,  Herbie will have to answer why he asked Ferrel if he was taking a whiz.  He could only arrest Ferrel without a warrant if he saw him taking a whiz. 

Then things get ripe when Laura asks him if he actually "saw" Ferrel taking a whiz.  She likely will follow up with:  "What did you see?"

From there things go down hill to acquittal (Remember Ferrel has asked for a jury trial!)

Herbie did you actually see any whiz?  Did you actually see his whizzer?  How do you know if it wasn't merely his finger you saw instead of his whizzer?

By that time Herbie is getting flushed by this lady lawyer!  

In CA indecent exposure is when a person exposes his person, or the private parts thereof, in any public place where other people are present and could be offended. 

So Laura is going to ask Herbie if he could describe Ferrel's private parts. This is important.  Remember the judge let testimony in that Bill Clinton had a crooked whizzer.  

Again in the fine state of CA we find: 
  • Genitals: Exposure must be of one’s bare genital parts.  If you exposed your underwear, this does not qualify as indecent exposure.  Also, exposure of bare, female breasts does not qualify, whether it was done for sexual gratification or for a non-sexual reason such as breastfeeding.
This is starting to get rough.  This lady lawyer gets to bear down on this matter.  To have "indecent" exposure, someone has to be "offended."  So Laura will want to ask Herbie "if or how" was he offended by Ferrel's taking a whiz in the alley.  In fact, she might even ask if Herbie has ever taken a whiz in an alley!

Now remember we are only 40 miles from Lewisburg where they have an ordinance that a man can go into a girl's bathroom, yank his whizzer out and do his thing in front of several girls and the Town of Lewisburg says that is not "indecent."  

No,  it is not indecent exposure unless it is for sexual gratification or for the purpose of offending another person.  So Herbie is going to have to answer the next question:  "Do you believe that Ferrel was trying to gratify himself or merely taking a whiz in the alley?"

Then enter the prosecutor for there share of humilation at the hands of the lady lawyer.

To prove that you are guilty of “indecent exposure,” the prosecutor has to prove the following facts or elements1:
  • The defendant willfully exposed his/her genitals in the presence of another person or persons who might be offended or annoyed by the defendant’s actions2; AND
  • Willful exposure: Exposure has to be willful or intentional.  It cannot be accidental.
  • Genitals: Exposure must be of one’s bare genital parts.  If you exposed your underwear, this does not qualify as indecent exposure.  Also, exposure of bare, female breasts does not qualify, whether it was done for sexual gratification or for a non-sexual reason such as breastfeeding.
  • In the presence of someone who might be annoyed or offended: exposure must occur in the presence of at least one other person who may be annoyed or offended by the exposure.  Exposing yourself even in a public place when no one is around likely does not constitute indecent exposure.
  • When the defendant exposed himself/herself, he/she acted lewdly by intending to direct public attention to his/her genitals for the purpose of sexually arousing or gratifying himself/herself or another person, or sexually offending another person3; AND
Now this ain't gonna be easy for Gene Simmons and/or Keith McMillion.   Herbie admits that Ferrel was in the alley by the funeral home,  not main street or even 4th avenue.  It wasn't as if he were whizzing on Dorie's picture window.  He was behind the funeral home where the monuments are.
  • You did expose your genitals but in a secluded area where no one was around to be offended by your act
  • Your intent was neither to gratify yourself nor to offend anyone.

That's going to be rough.  Who was Ferrel trying to offend?  Was Herbie just passing by or was he stalking Ferrel?  Did Ferrel know that Herbie was watching him take a whiz? (Don't forget that Ferrel is pleading not guilty!  That means he doesn't even admit that he was taking a whiz!  Gene or Keith have to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Ferrel was indeed "taking a whiz."  It is doubtful that Herbie ever saw Ferrel doing anything except facing a wall.

They should charge tickets to this trial.  

Here's the proof of our statements:

The above is not intended to be offensive.  It's sole purpose is to illustrate that not everyone in this county is playing with a full deck of cards and that Ferrel might just be the smartest one of this entire bunch of legal persons.


  1. Nice to see the state boys and Sheriffs office going after a guy like mr. Kelly after failing to get Mr. Rotten Totten and company.
    I think the county spent more trying to get kelly them they did on trying to getthe Rotten one.

    The Road Runner...

  2. Perhaps we need to look for ways to help kelly instead of lock him up.
    It seems to me the countys funds would be better spent in this way.
    Naturally I do not claim to be a expert but it seem kelly needs a hand. Not a cell as after locking him up he will still have no place to go but back under the bridge.
    This is not the way out eldery and sick need be treated.
    It will not solve the issue but only irritate it.

    The Road Runner...

  3. O buy the way, I have whizzed all over Pocahontas county.

    From atop snowhoe to the tunnel to stoney bottom to the outskirts of marlinton to the hills of Durbin.
    From Browns mountain to rams horn.

    From the Greenbrier to napps Creek to Deer Creek.From the banks to bridges to a john boat.

    On the pavement and dirt in water and on trees.

    On ones guys head I knocked out and tires on my truck.
    Even my own feet when I had to much to drink.
    On rocks and boards and more than a barn or two.
    One time on a electric fence and I never did that again.

    I confess now come and arrest me.
    I dare you to try that crap with me.

  4. Hell yeah we should allow people to piss and shit in the allies and streets.Hell let's allow them to piss and shit in peoples yards. Hell why not allow them to have sex right in the parks, allies and streets ? Hell let's allow them to throw their trash in the allies and streets. Why stop people from doing what they want to do? Norman you are right the laws are just for some people and the chosen rest can do what they want !

    1. You make me sad, you really can not see the larger issue here csn you.
      Are you thst heartless ?
      I will attempt to explain.
      We have a man living under a brodge because he was arrested and lost about all he had.
      He is clearly touched.
      He clearly needs help.
      If you dont mind explain how paying a fine or locking him up will solve the issue.
      We have already spent over 40000 trying to lock the man up.
      Do you plan on having him arrested every time he takes a dump or whiz or would you perfer to see our community join together to help this man.
      Hes not some drunk or doper or Thief or bum.
      We have entire family's who fall into that category who receive Food housing Medical Care.
      This man is sick and needs help not jail.

  5. Farrell whizzed in the alley, Oh God!
    He peed where the good people trod.
    I think it was rotten
    When the cops ignored Totten,
    But now we're saved by the Urine Squad!

  6. does anyone remember when the present magistrates ran for office the first time four years ago and vowed and made campaign promises that they would not do business like Kathy beverage was doing ....wilfong ran against beverage in the primary and knocked her out of the box and of course won in the following general election despite the sheriff trying his best to get her defeated ...and here we are targeting soft targets like ferrel instead of putting her and encouraging Kelly`s efforts into helping a down and out soul like ferrel and getting this county and the town of marlinton to open a homeless shelter with improved mental health options for people down on their luck... how does that go there but by the grace of GOD go all of us in fact shame on all of us for turning our backs on ferrel ?? salvation is attained only by faith and GOOD ACTS ...I bet beverage is sitting at home on her couch sucking the cream filling out of a box of twinkies laughing her ass off at these two magistrates who in every case are doing a worse and more hate filled job then even she was capable of ... the sad state of affairs in our sad county is that people get elected only because the person before them did such a piss poor job ...the exception to that rule was janet kershner and run a muck did a hachet job on her now that lady had class and dignity ....

  7. Ever think why Farrell would rather stay under the bridge instead of his own HOME? Yes, he has a home, there's no electric or heat under the bridge either. But at least he's got four walls and a roof to go to. Many people don't even have that! He has chosen to live under a bridge because he's where all the good gossip is, he's where people will feel sorry for him. No home? Then where was he taking CASES of food to on Saturday? To his HOME! And most of us who do not pay our bills will not have electricity or propane. His gas tank wasn't "stolen" , it was taken for non payment.

    1. to bad you didn`t leave your name because you are really in need of prayer are you really that badly broken ???? I never met anyone who is poor or down on their luck that I wanted to change places with never ....

    2. Well said arbo.
      This person seems to think a eldery man with mental illness is living under a bridge with winter comming on like a drag racer on a 1/8 mile strip so he can hear gossip.

      Did you know its common for people with mental issues are often not able to do basic things such as pay bills and manage money or make decisions that are good for them.
      O there except for gods good grace go me or one I hold close to my bosom.
      I my self am not a forgiving man when it comes to some issues but when it comes to mental illness I do .

      The Road Runner...

      Sometimes we solve issues with a club sometimes with a helping hand.
      Its sad when some know not when you give a hand up and perfer the club.

  8. The sad thing is that Norman will exploit him for his own twisted vendetta against anyone with any authority. Hopefully the local law will find something to get him off the streets before cold weather comes. Norman goes on about him being in jail, but that is better than freezing to death under a bridge. If Normans and all of his cronies would throw in $50.00 a month they could rent him a house and pay his bills.

    1. it sounds like you have been to T.V.R.J. yourself as it sounds like you highly recommend it.. here is what would be better solution that people like you open your heart and your wallet and help or even your home for norman I guess you didn`t know that reverend alderman gets him breakfast on most mornings and helps him out when ever he can with rides and food least under the bridge ferrel is safer and removed from beatings by fellow inmates,police and correctional officers his only peril is the cruelty and cold heartedness of the people of marlinton and of course the people of Pocahontas county....

  9. I just want to thank you for the prayers. I need all I can get. Do I want to see anyone suffer and live under a bridge? NO, I don't but I am not going to sit and worship the praises of Farrell when I know what he has done and who he has done it too. I am not going to tell you who or what to believe because you will figure it out yourselves. And as the previous poster said, if you all are so worried about Farrell being under a bridge, donate some money and get him a place to live. The local law enforcement actually helped him survive the past winters by locking him up. Ask him why he doesn't go see his father at the nursing home, and why most people around the county do not open their homes to him when he comes knocking on their doors. He has put people through hell. By peeping into windows, starting rumors, and that's not even mentioning the crimes he has committed. He was found with a GUN, he is a felon, and has been a felon for years. He was in Huttonsville Correctional Center for committing a felony. Do I think he has mental issues, most certainly I do, and I think he should be trying to get help for those mental issues instead of trying to get the whole county up in arms for his actions If I were to "take awhiz" in the street or alleys, I would expect to get a ticket too. Because there are kids around, there are elderly around and I am sure they do not want to or need to see his "whizzed" there had to be someone there to report that he was "whizzing" for the police to become involved. Would you be ok with someone pulling it out and peeing in your view? I also think he knows how to work the system and naive people. He is very booksmart but has no common sense. I did notice that he didn't fill out the question pertaining to food stamps. Why is that? I thought you had to be open and honest about getting help with a public defender, and I know that he wouldn't be denied because of the amount of food stamps he gets. Also, how does one get food stamps or an address if he is homeless?

  10. Pastor Crazy Pants I see you removed your stupid post. LOL Running scared ? #WeStandWithHer


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About Me

A local archivist who specializes in all things Pocahontas County