Thursday, July 28, 2016
Breaking News (Mostly rumor, in fact a whole lot of rumor)
Word on the street is that the busy sheriff's deputies are conducting an investigation of illegal dumping of the human kind. It is supposed that some one in Marlinton or thereabouts has been using the bathroom in inappropriate places.
The police have a suspect but we can't figure out how they will known exactly who that person is. Perhaps they will conduct a DNA test on a stool sample. Of course, you have to get a sample DNA from the supposed culprit. That ought to take some doing.
Perhaps they will have a "lineup" and match the stool DNA with the sample excrement. Should be an interesting arrest.
I know of one potential suspect who takes a bath in Knapps Creek because he says that the river has too many chemicals in it. (Of course, we don't mention the fact that there are probably far worse chemicals in Knapps Creek and the DOH sprayed pesticide and killed the vegetation deader than a door-nail.)
This latest report might be reason to call in the EPA and have them do a water analysis to see where the illegal dumping is occurring. Seems to me that such an investigation will involve diligent "due process." (Or perhaps, that is what the culprit is doing himself (or herself)
Try to watch your step on Main street!
Report any unusual sightings immediately to the Pocahontas County Sheriff's Department.
The town council may want to rent a special porta-potty for the homeless so they won't have to
tinkle on main. It would be well worth it if it keeps the streets clean.
By the way, what statute would that violate. Perhaps the town could enact an ordinance making all homeless persons wear diapers. That's what they do with horses when they engaged in "due process" activity.