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Thursday, July 28, 2016

Breaking News (Mostly rumor, in fact a whole lot of rumor)

Word on the street is that the busy sheriff's deputies are conducting an investigation of illegal dumping of the human kind.  It is supposed that some one in Marlinton or thereabouts has been using the bathroom in inappropriate places.

 The police have a suspect but we can't figure out how they will known exactly who that person is.  Perhaps they will conduct a DNA test on a stool sample.  Of course,  you have to get a sample DNA from the supposed culprit.  That ought to take some doing. 

Perhaps they will have a "lineup" and match the stool DNA with the sample excrement.  Should be an interesting arrest.

I know of one potential  suspect who takes a bath in Knapps Creek because he says that the river has too many chemicals in it. (Of course, we don't mention the fact that there are probably far worse chemicals in Knapps Creek and the DOH sprayed pesticide and killed the vegetation deader than a door-nail.)

This latest report might be reason to call in the EPA and have them do a water analysis to see where the illegal dumping is occurring.  Seems to me that such an investigation will involve diligent "due process."  (Or perhaps, that is what the culprit is doing himself (or herself)

Try to watch your step on Main street!  

Report any unusual sightings immediately to the Pocahontas County Sheriff's Department.  

The town council may want to rent a special porta-potty for the homeless so they won't have to 
tinkle on main.  It would be well worth it if it keeps the streets clean.

By the way,  what statute would that violate.  Perhaps the town could enact an ordinance making all homeless persons wear diapers.  That's what they do with horses when they engaged in "due process" activity.


  1. Perhaps the suspect will be charged with a violation of code 22-15A-4 which prohibits unlawful dumping. If either magistrate receives a complaint for a warrant for a violation of this section, please contact the Commentator immediately. The suspect can accuse the police of discrimination if dogs are not treated in a similar manner.

  2. I know the police around here have a crappy job, but isn't this going to extremes?

  3. Many people refer to the police as "po-po." Perhaps they should be called "poo-poo."

  4. luther said he slept on the streets, that may be a start?

    1. He said that he slept on the streets. He didn't say that he . . . well, you get the idea.

  5. Beware, this limerick is really quite droll,
    Although bad poetry is never my goal.
    Just don't give me the blame
    If we ever change the name
    Of the Sheriff's Department to the Poop Patrol.

  6. Jonese and Walton couldnt find any evidence aginst sir rotten.

    This may be their chance to break the big case and redeem themselves.

    They can catch the best pooper in the state maybe the nation.

    Austin Powerless international Man of Mystery.

  7. Finally a case the Sheriff and Walton are qualified to handle.


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About Me

A local archivist who specializes in all things Pocahontas County