Steps to New Schools

Here is the recipe for getting a new set of school buildings:

1. Lower the maintenance budget so that the buildings will look in disrepair.

2.  Declare that the buildings are in disrepair.

3.  Instead of fixing up the old buildings, declare that only a "new" facility will be the needs of the "students." (When you get the new buildings, you let the old ones rot to the ground.)

4.  Point out that a building is in the floodplain and has to be moved for the "safety of the children."

5.  Ignore the fact that your last building was built in the floodplain just a few years ago and that you have just put a million dollars into a "Wellness" center.  (You have to avoid mentioning this fact and hope that no one will raise the issue.

6.  Explain how a new facility will be more efficient and cost less! (While asking the citizens to pay more taxes to pay for the new facilities.  It is like going to the store and buying something you didn't need or wanted because "It was on Sale."

7.  Get the businesses in the community to join in support of the new school system.  (This will be a little more difficult in the town where the school is now because the citizens of the town will have to pay more for the basic services such as water and sewer.  This is because you just moved their biggest customer out of town.  They think their water bill is already too high.

8.  Explain that the elementary/middle schools will be better off because the student population will be more "balanced."  (Try to ignore the fact that you just moved the 5th graders from the middle school to the school in town, thereby adding to the number of "endangered" students in the floodplain.)

9.  Explain that the "longer bus rides" will actually be better for the students.

10.  Tell folks that by moving the "Fifth graders" from the smallest school that you are actually improving the education of the other grades.  (This is like cutting the top of the blanket off and sewing it on the bottom and claiming that you have made the blanket better."

11.  Get the state to give you a "grant" for studying the problem.  (Ignore that the problems have existed since time immemorial.   $100,000 will purchase a lot of "grease for your skids")  Ignore the face that grants are what got our school system in jams in the first place.

12.  Hit the road to sell your plan.  Get your board of education to support a levy.  Use the slogan, "It is all about the kids."   That way those in favor of higher taxes will complain that you are being "cheap" because you don't want a bigger tax bill.

14.   Emphasize the support of your school board "PRESIDENT for the idea.  This should inspire great confidence in the voters as he attends publicity functions with his mistress.

13.  Threaten to lay off some teachers and school personnel "If the levy doesn't pass."

14.  Explain how $11,000,000 is really just a "drop in the bucket" for a better education.  You will have to sidestep the fact that our county is losing population all the time and has to have a state subsidy to "cap" the student population at 14,000.  (Don't forget to mention that this "cap" might be removed at any time.)

15.  Don't mention that some students daily travel to school on a bus ride which is almost as long as some of their parents have to travel to get to their job.

16.  Once you have gotten your levy passed and your new buildings announce that the Board of Education would like to move its offices down to the "no longer used" elementary school building.  Hope that no one notices that you have just moved the elementary school out of the floodplain for their safety and now you want to move the board office into that same "dangerous" building WITH ALL THE STUDENTS RECORDS. Brilliant move.!

17.  Once this is done you get the board to recommend the razing of the old board building so that you will have more parking space.

18.  Share the pain with all the kids.  Plan to move the Greenbank Middle Schoolers to the high school campus along with the Marlinton Elementary middle schoolers.  Move the 5th grade Hillsboro students to Marlinton Middle School.  That way the Hillsboro school will be even smaller.  Eventually it will be too small and it can be  closed.

19.  Build a separate facility for the middle schools at the high school.  Tell the community that you are going to keep them separate from the high school to protect the middle school students.  Try to avoid discussing the bus ride with the high school children which they will be traveling even longer that they were before.

20.  Lastly,  a levy will allow you to further drain the economic resources of the county in the same manner as when they attached leeches to George Washington to get rid of his "excess" blood.  The cure will kill the system as it did ole George.  The levy will prevent a lot of people from having "excess" money in their wallets.  Like the commercial,  it will be easier to ask the question:  "What's in your wallet?"